Said and Unsaid
by Elihice
Summary: Yukito tries to find a reason why he keeps missing something that never existed. Except that maybe it did, and things are not truly lost.


Post series, lots of spoilers. ****

This is the first (actually, it's the second but the first one still needs a lot more work) of a series. At first all five stories where a huge one... but they all started to separate. The final result is a series of stories, some of them angsty, some WAFFy, some humorous and all of them with different POV. All of them, except for the final one, can be read on its own or as parts of a larger story.

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**Said and unsaid**

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**

It was always the same for him in the morning: getting up, taking a shower, dressing and having breakfast sitting in the third stool in the kitchen. It was a routine that never changed. He washed the dishes while thinking about the things he had to do that day, sometimes humming a song he had heard the day before, and grabbed his backpack at exactly the same time every day.

And every single day he tried to say _"Goodbye_" to an empty house.

The words choked on his tongue when he remembered that he had never really said that to anyone in his life. The first two stools in the kitchen had never been used, as did the large bedroom upstairs or countless other things around the house. It was just him in a house that had never belonged to his grandparents. He knew they haven't ever existed. He knew they were memories someone had given him to make him happy. He knew this and yet kept the same routine everyday.

He missed having someone answering him, someone to welcome him home and just _be_ around the house. It made no sense at all. If you had never had something, how could you miss it?

But he did.

And every day he tried to find out why.

# # # #

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_Once upon a time, there was a great magician who lived with two companions in a large house in Tomoeda. He lived for many, many years._

_And, for a while, they were all happy.  
_

_.  
_

_# # # #  
_

Touya walked upstairs, somehow managing to balance a tray overflowed with pancakes, cake and tea while he grumbled about why his little sister was _making a cake for that brat_. Yukito just laughed and vaguely speculated if Touya would ever give Syaoran his approval.

As a loud cry of victory emerged from his left, he turned to see Fujitaka and Cerberus in the living room, playing with a new videogame, apparently very involved into getting to the next level. It was an odd sight to watch the sun guardian and the college professor both equally caught up in the game. He had never even known that Touya's father liked videogames.

Without notice, where the two of them sat, Yukito saw a different image, juxtaposed over the real one: Cerberus, in his full form... and a man with round glasses and long hair.

Clow.

There were times like this when Yukito just _knew_ things. Things he didn't need Yue to explain because they were like memories he had forgotten and now came back to him. At first he had felt like and intruder, peeking into someone else dreams, but after a year he had almost gotten used to it. Like the reason why it was perfectly normal to have a small winged lion (although he had to agree with Touya that Cerberus _did_ look like a plushy toy) playing videogames and shouting with a heavy Osaka accent. Whenever Yukito questioned himself about this he found out it was very logical. Cerberus had always liked fast games.

Trying to understand how he knew those things in the first place was equally pointless.

He remembered clearly. It had been raining for days and Cerberus had been more restless than usual. Yue had not been bothered in the least and had spent most of the day in the library, reading ancient texts that went from magic theory to fairytales. And when he had finally tired of it, he had gone to master Clow's study and found Cerberus and his master playing chess. _Of course_ Clow had won; Cerberus hadn't had the patience or the skills to beat him. But Yue had enjoyed just being there and watching them play, with Cerberus grumbling every time he lost one of his pieces and master Clow smiling and chuckling at Cerberus lack of patience.

After the end of the game Clow had sat near the fireplace and his guardians had sat at his feet in the thick and comfortable carpet, staring at the fire. None of them had really said anything -a very rare thing in the sun guardian's case- but it had felt like the best conversation the three of them had ever had.

It was really strange being able to _know_ this kind of things and yet not being able to remember how many years had passed. Yukito had the vague suspicious that not even Yue was sure how old he was: life rotated completely around Clow and the passing of time outside the manor walls- except for a rare trip now and then- had been unimportant.

Time had only started to matter when it took someone away.

There was a reason why Yukito almost never asked Yue for details about these flashes of memory: each and every one of them was tinted with a deep sadness. The happiest memories made his throat ache and he had to fight the urge to cry. Sometimes it was something as simple as reading a book. He would then remember the same words calmly spoken by a low voice full of affection.

And that was what Yukito really missed. Affection. Not that he didn't felt loved enough by Sakura, Touya or their father, always so nice to him. But, deep inside him, he knew that once he had had something different. Something that, once, had been all he had needed at all.

Yue answer was just an honest, and yet very sad, _yes_.

_# # # #  
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_.  
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_ Once upon a time, there was a great magician who lived with two companions in a large house in Tomoeda. He lived for many years, but eventually, even for him, time ended._

_And the two companions were left alone.  
_

_.  
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_# # # #  
_

Cerberus hated these kinds of moments when Sakura left the two of them on their own because she had forgotten something at school _again_. If it was the snow bunny, Cerberus had no idea how to act because it was just way to confusing, and Yue just stayed there and stared at him, as if he was disgusted with sun guardian for _existing_.

"_Why_ are you staring me like that?"

"I'm not staring."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are and it's annoying."

"I'm no- I don't stare. I'm just looking at you because I want to talk."

Cerberus held his breath and waited. And found himself getting even more exasperated as time passed because Yue wasn't talking .He usually went right to the point, specially if he was the one to initiate the conversation, which was a pretty uncommon thing on itself. This time, thought, the silence stretched between them for a moment after the other. And another. And another, until Cerberus lost what little he had of patience and just _had_ to ask.

" So?!"

" 'So'?" the moon guardian repeated.

"So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Nothing."

" Nothing?! Then why did you say you wanted to talk to me in the first place?! You are only doing it to annoy-"

"I said I wanted to talk. I didn't say I had a specific topic in mind."

Cerberus grumbled, cursed and wished Sakura was back. In the past, he had often teased Yue about mood swings but now he was wondering if maybe the other guardian was just not capable of being at least a bit less irritable. Current evidence pointed at Yue being capable of two moods: grouchy and annoyed.

"I just missed talking to you."

That simple phrase changed the air the room immediately.

The last time Yue had sounded so sincere he had been crying and pleading their master not to leave. Yue had _never_ sounded so painfully honest with him, and that was enough to freeze Cerberus on the spot

He had by no means expected such a response, nor had he expected to find that it was the same for him

Once, there had been a time when they had talked about something else than possible dangers to their mistress or hadn't needed a third party to prevent a fight from erupting. Once it was just Clow, Yue and him- and the cards- but, while Clow was occupied elsewhere, there had been just the two guardians and that had been fine too.

" You are not the only one who misses things, you know." Even that manipulating, damn magician with a twisted sense of humor. Yue had his own way of mourning, but that did _not_ mean he was the only one who mourned a loss.

Yue slowly lifted his arm and petted him on the head. There was a minuscule flash of fear in the moon guardian's eyes, as if he expected the other to find his actions illogical and ask what the hell was wrong with him, breaking whatever fragile understanding had been created. Cerberus knew better and recognized the gesture as the exact same one their master used to comfort them without saying a word.

He couldn't help it and gave the other a flashing grin that was usually reserved for Sakura or for obscene quantities of pudding. He was rewarded with the tiniest of smiles from Yue, one that said enough to know that something that had broken years ago was now restored.

Cerberus's grin suddenly turned into a started look as he noticed the light of the other transforming, even as the pressure on his head kept him on the spot. White wings enfolded Yue but the boy that emerged from the cocoon had the same smile the other form had.

By the lack of confused blinking, Cerberus figured that things would be easier than what he had thought.

"I think there's some cake left." He offered

# # # #

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_Once upon a time there was a_ _great magician who lived with two companions in a large house in Tomoeda. When his time came he accepted it because he knew that eventually his two companions wouldn't be alone._

_Everything would surely be alright.  
_

_.  
_


End file.
